One Year Down

It’s been one year. One year since I muddled up the courage to post my first blog post publicly for anyone to read. One year since I was knocked off my feet, discouraged to ever write or post again, kicked down the first day of finals week, and one year since I questioned everything. It’s also been one year since I passed all my finals with flying colors despite being discouraged, one year since I took a stand and decided I was going to keep writing and posting for anyone to read and one year since I decided I was going to be me. I decided that I wouldn’t let other people tell me how my life would turn out, who I would keep in my life, what classes I would take to ensure that my future education would help my dreams become a reality, and choose to have the courage to put myself out there to meet people and become inspired by those who have succeeded and are doing what I hope to do in the future.

A year ago almost to the exact date, I began to contemplate everything. My friends, boyfriend, career choice, major and even what I had done in the past. I decided to keep on doing what I had planned and I believe it’s because that is the plan God had for me. I had every reason to change everything, give up, and lose the courage I had. Over the course of the past year, I have stood my ground and accomplished more than I have could have imagined during my final week of sophomore year.

This past year, I work with Kat Schmoyer, boss lady of Dear Sweetheart Events, not once, but twice. Both experiences were amazing and I can’t wait for the next two; she is seriously an incredible planner and fabulous boss lady and creative! I finished my sophomore year, declared and completed a minor in Marketing, made Dean’s list, acquired an internship for the summer of 2016, celebrated another year with my best friend, made new friends and signed a lease for the fall to start a new chapter of my life. I continued to write as consistently as I could (almost once a month) and learn from others through the process. This year has been full of accomplishments but also so many obstacles and really hard day…. I mean really hard. My junior year in high school was my hardest year in school before I came to college. No one warned me that junior year in college was going to be ten times harder.

I don’t think I had it worse than anyone else. Everyone goes through his or her own struggles, in college or not. Sometimes I felt like giving up. So many times I thought about just not coming back, quitting and doing my own things or just breaking down and crying in my room happened a little too often. Even though the last 8 months have been hard, there have also been so many rewards. Sometimes those rewards wouldn’t come until days, weeks or even months later but when they did it was just enough encouragement to get me till the next one came. Not only were the rewards worth it, but also the people I have had in my life along the way made the worst days better.

My mom mentioned this past weekend that my friends from high school and I are unique. She meant that the relationship and friendships that we have all maintained through high school and into our 3^rd year of college are unique. I don’t know what I would do without my high school friends; they have been my day 1s since first grade, and one even before that (shout out to Bennett, best friend since birth). If you have a great group of friends who supports you, always answers your phone calls/texts/snapchats as soon as they can and will literally do anything for you, do not let them go. This doesn’t mean you can’t make new friends, but always love and cherish the ones who have been there from the start. Ladies (and gentlemen) if you have a significant other who loves you through every bump in the road, moody day, and drama keep them. If they support you, want to hear about every day, good or bad and help you through it all, let them know how much you appreciate it and don’t let them go. Your family is family but they are so much more than that. Your parents listen to your rants, wipe your tears, give you the best advice you could have and answer all your questions, don’t forget to thank them.

There will be hard days, hard weeks, hard months and hard years but I can guarantee there will be rewards and it will all be worth it. A few things I have learned over this past year:

1.                   Don’t let other people discourage you from what you want to do in life and how you choose to live your life, that’s why it’s YOURS.

2.                   Forgive the ones who hurt you along the way, it may be hard but it’s necessary in order to live happily.

3.                   Strive for your goals and make your dreams become a reality to matter how hard it seems.

4.                   Always thank the ones who are there for you along the way and remember they need you to be there too.

Let’s see what this next year has in store. Let’s stick together and never let anything get us too down that we give up. Cheers to another year! Now let’s kick final’s butt!!

         
 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Who am I?

Who am I? It’s a question that we ask ourselves all the time. We think we know in middle school until we get to high school and everything changes. We go through the four years of high school and make important decisions like if we are going to college or not, where we are going to college if that’s the path we decide, what will be our major, maybe pick up a minor, where to live and so on. We graduate with these decisions in mind and goals set and then we enter the next stage of our lives. I chose the college path; I know people and am very close with a few who didn’t choose college, at least not for right now. I don’t know first hand who they are becoming and how they see themselves but I do know that they are constantly changing as well. Some have decided to start college a year from now, some have decided to continue working a job they’ve been loyal to and continue to learn about themselves and some have decided to serve our country. That’s all I know in that aspect so this post is about finding who you are in college.
    I started college three years ago, which is really weird to think about and I had to double check that yes, I will be finishing my junior year in just a few short weeks. When I started school my dad said his famous words of “you know who you are and don’t forget it” and probably some other really motivating and kind words but lets be honest, who wasn’t a mess when their parents left them after unpacking their tiny college dorm? When I started school I had a boyfriend (Huck) from high school, I’m still with him, as I’m sure most people who keep up with my posts already know. I started school leaving all of my friends, family, boyfriend, cats, and basically life, as I know it thinking I knew exactly whom I was. I knew I was going to change, grow up, learn new things and hopefully be a better person but other than that I didn’t really know what to expect.
    After three years I can tell you I’m still not sure who I am. I know what I want to do, I’ve stuck with my major, hesitantly stuck with my minor (thanks to the support from family and literal help from Huck), still a strong Christian, have the same best friends since elementary school plus a few more, and have still kept a good head on my shoulders…at least I think so. Other than that, though, I’m not sure. My parents tell me they are proud of who I am and what I’m doing and I know that. I appreciate it more than they know but I think there’s still more to me than just what I display. I think everyone eventually sees that along the way in college in particular but also just in this time of life.
    I say in college in particular because in college we are pretty much forced to live with at least one other person for the next four years. I know there are options to be in a single dorm and a one-bed room apartment but most people don’t know if they really have the confidence or assurance to do that. We learn more about ourselves by the company we keep, whether it’s good or bad. My freshman year, living in my dorm room with a girl I knew from high school, I learned that I really like my own space, like I need my own space. We didn’t have any major issues, I feel like we were a pretty normal set of roommates but I knew within a month or so that I could never share a room with someone ever again. My sophomore year I moved into an apartment with three other girls. I really started to learn more about myself this year because now Huck was at school with me, my high school friends were going through similar stuff as me, I learned that I can lose my patience really quickly, I need my own time and apparently I need more space than I thought. I learned that I can’t live with more than one maybe two people that aren’t blood or I have only known for less than two years, no matter who they are. I think this is because not only am I finding myself and learning about myself but so is everyone else around me, including the other three girls I live with. There is nothing wrong with that, you’re not going to get along with everyone you meet perfectly, you’re not going to always want to see the same people every day, you definitely won’t want to spend every waking hour with them and if you do, well good for you but I think maybe you should focus on yourself some.
    Next year I will be moving into a new apartment with a new roommate and live in a two-bedroom apartment. I am really looking forward to the new experience. I’ve lived in the same place for 2 years with the same roommates with the exception of one swap. I know I’m still going to learn more about my new roommate and myself; I’m looking forward to both. This summer I will learn more about myself as I will be nannying and working an internship. I don’t expect any big changes in who I am nor do I want it. I like who I am, what I know right now. The people I have in my life that have been with my along the way have helped to shape who I am. Professors, friends, roommates, parents, mentors, enemies, Huck, group project members, next door neighbors, the parents of the children I babysit for, they have all influenced who I am. I haven’t let these people dictate my life or change it but they have all had an impact.
    If two years ago someone told me that I was going to be writing a blog and sharing for actual people to read I would have laughed in their face. If I were having a bad night where I wasn’t sure of anything and Huck told me to go write to get my mind off it two years ago I would have asked him if he really knew me. If my mom told me to clean anything at all in the house two years ago to relieve stress I would have told her she was insane. If someone told me I would be going to the gym 2-3 times a week just because I would have thought they have the wrong Hannah Bailey. Just those three things have changed and made me who I am today and they’re huge. I will change more, grow more, mature, and learn new things but I know the things that I want to keep. I love the relationship I’m in, the friends I have, the support and love from my family I have, the mentors I have including the ones who don’t even know the influence they have on me (that would be you, Kristin and Jake ☺) and the hobbies I’ve picked up and I don’t want those to change one bit.
    So for the people getting ready to start their journey after high school, the ones who have already started and still aren’t sure if they chose the right path, and the ones who are exactly where I am, I can’t really give you advise or tell you I’ve been there, done that, do what I do. All I can really tell you are, the traits, characteristics, and interests and loves that you have, don’t let them go. Don’t be afraid to start new things, meet new people, change up something in your life, and let yourself learn and grow.

If It's Hard, It's Worth It.

Nothing in life that’s worth it is easy. Now this may not always be true but in most cases it tends to be. The normal things like school, work, and just life in general are just not easy, unless you’re a genius. This past weekend I went home for Valentine’s Day. Huck and I had plans, nothing special just pizza and a movie at one of our houses but I was really looking forward to it. As we all know, Virginia weather doesn’t know what it’s doing…ever. It’s 50 degrees one day and blizzards that night with little to no warning. So, unfortunately we had to leave Richmond a day early and go back to school. It wasn’t easy (I’m not a fan of unexpected change) but once we got here our plans still kind of happened and it was worth it.

While I was home for the weekend I went to visit my grandmother with my mom. The last few months have been full of change with her, as she’s been moved around to different facilities within her nursing home to better accommodate her needs. Over the last few years I’ve seen my granny age, for a while I thought she never would. I had the thought that she was 74 for like 10 years up until recently. My mom and her siblings take care of what needs to be done or whatever my granny needs. I visit with her when I can, which is not as often as it should be. She is losing her memory with age, unable to walk as well and other things that make things just different enough to be hard. My mom has asked me the last few times we’ve left her room, “it isn’t easy is it?” Every time I just say, “No, it isn’t.” is it worth it to go see her? Absolutely. Is it hard? Absolutely.

School is just a whole different story. As soon as I think my classes are getting easy something happens. When I think I’m finally done being home sick, something happens and I want to go home. It’s never easy and when it is that just means something is going to happen to make it hard. It kind of goes hand in hand with “nothing in life is free.” People will argue that there are in fact free things but most likely you’ve had to do something in order to obtain the free thing.

Things are hard right now. Being a 20 year old girl, in college, 3 hours away from home and some friends, 25 minutes away from 2 extremely busy friends, living with 3 girls and really not knowing how your dream job is actually going to happen is HARD. For anyone who says this time in life is easy, stop lying to yourself. Not just for you but for everyone else around you. We need each other to get through the hard times and you aren’t fooling anyone acting like everything is so ~easy~. Most of us at this point in time are going to school, possibly also working, doing an internship or looking for one, applying for grad school, masters, jobs, programs, etc., family changes, becoming an actual adult and many other various things that we just associate with life. Right now most of this stuff seems pointless, you want to cry, scream, give up or blame other people for these day to day hard things.

My boyfriend is a realist. I didn’t believe him for a while, I thought he was truly just negative about a lot but when I actually thought about the things going on around me, I realized he was right. I’m happier now. Knowing that not everything is easy, things get hard, life throws snow at you (I really hate snow now), and meltdowns will happen. Get up, don’t look it as failures, get through the hard shit (excuse my language) and look back the next day, week, month, or year from now and be able to say “it was worth it.”

“People can do more than they ever believe they can do. Physically, mentally, academically. You have to be pushed. It hurts. But it’s worth it, and it’s a great thing.” Sugar Ray Leonard

"Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play the ball where it lies."

-- Bobby Jones

2016 Starts with a Bang!

I wanted to wait this till after all the hustle and bustle of Christmas and New Years was over. I hope everyone else had a fantastic Christmas and New Years, I know I did. Just as last year, I had an extremely busy Christmas day, with celebrations happening all day. My family hosted Christmas morning with my mother’s family, went to my boyfriends house for Christmas lunch with his family and later that evening enjoyed Christmas dinner with my dad’s side of the family. I love the holidays because we spend so much time with our families and reminisce on the past years! For New Years I went up to Harrisonburg with my boyfriend and his family to visit his grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins. This is the second year we have done this together and I love it every time. There is always so much food, laughter, pictures, family, friends, and not so much sleep! It’s all completely worth it.

            After everyone started to get back into the swing of things of everyday life I decided that searching for an internship, going over my schedule for the upcoming semester and nannying my favorite children was how I would spend the end of my break! 2016 has started off with a bang! After emailing 7 different venues in my area, I received only a few responses, one being very promising. I have an interview on Monday with a venue close by for a possible internship opportunity over the summer and I couldn’t be more excited! I also received an email this morning informing me that I have made Dean’s List for the first time. I have been working so hard over the course of the last 5 semesters to get to this point. I couldn’t have done it without the motivation, help, and support of my family and boyfriend, I’m so blessed. I am feeling so accomplished and motivated! There really is no better feeling! I have high hopes for 2016 and can’t wait to see what happens next! 

 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Give Thanks

Give thanks today. That’s what we’ve been told our whole lives; give thanks on Thanksgiving. A teacher of mine brought up an excellent point in class the week before we came home for Thanksgiving break. She said, “Why is there one day dictated by the government to give thanks?” I never thought about it that way until she brought it up. It is true that I see more people giving thanks and showing appreciation to people and things that they have on this day. Some may show their appreciation throughout the year but a lot won’t, because people don’t think about it. Every day we should be appreciative of what we have and thank those who make it all possible to have what we have.

With that being said, I am very thankful for everything I have. Over the last year so much has happened to people in my life and others around me making me notice that I have so much to be grateful for. I’m guilty of not always thanking people or telling other’s I’m grateful or appreciating what I have. I am grateful for the family I have, the University I attend, the job I have (thanks to an extremely giving and loving family), the roof over my head, the food on my plate every day, the clothes on my body, the friends I have, and the boyfriend I have along with his loving family. We have so much to be grateful for every day, not just on this day.

This morning I watched a few videos of things that people did for others because it’s Thanksgiving. One of the videos was of the Fox News Squad going to a grocery store and buying Veterans’ groceries. The video was extremely touching and they were beyond grateful. Why can’t this stuff happen regularly? Veterans, homeless, underprivileged, everyone, deserves for these nice gestures to happen more often. Our mothers, fathers, grandparents, teachers, friends, significant others, and strangers deserve to hear our thanks and feel appreciated. It’s never too early to start a New Years resolution, mine is to give more thanks to everyone, not just on the holiday. 

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Father Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

You want more?

I would start off with a question, but I think I already know the answer. Everyone always wants more. Whether it’s wanting more chicken in your chicken bowl from Chipotle, money to spend at Victoria’s Secret because it’s the 7 for $27 sale, something on your car that is new to you but you must add more to make it even better than it already is, time, money, no matter what we all want more. If you say you don’t, you’re lying to yourself.

I’m guilty of this and I’ll admit it to everyone. Most of the things I catch myself saying I want more of is money, time and #relationshipgoals. That hashtag is really annoying, I know, but there’s no other way I could think of to put, which as I’m writing this is pretty sad. For those of you thinking this post is going to turn into a mushy post, it’s not going to but it will be about my relationship. If while reading the first paragraph, you thought this applied to you and then you read the beginning of the second paragraph and thought to yourself, “I love the #relationshipgoals” on Twitter, Instagram, Buzzfeed”… or wherever you’ve seen it, I suggest you continue to read this post.

After I asked what Huck thought of my last blog post and he responded with “I thought it was good! Are you going to write one about me?” I joking answered, “If you give me a reason to write about you.” Since then, it’s been on my mind.

In just under three years, Huck has been my person. He’s listened to me complain about the petty things, been a shoulder to cry on, given me advice, listened to me rant about anything and everything, seen me at my best, seen me at my worst, sacrificed for me, bought me practically whatever I’ve asked for (realistically of course, still waitin’ on that puppy), brought me a milkshake when I “just really have to have one now”, stayed up with me when my stomach hurts or just simply can’t fall asleep, and much more. I’m not discrediting my family and friends that I’ve had for 5, 10, or even 20 years that have also done a lot of these things, but I’ll be honest, this type of relationship is just different. After reading that, most would say, “you have it all”, “what more could you want?” That’s the point I’m trying to make and also show my appreciation in the least mushy way, because if you know Huck, mushy isn’t his thing.

There have been plenty of times that I say, “why don’t you take me out to dinner more,” “why don’t we go more places together,” “we never go to the movies,” “I know it’s expensive but could I please get this for Christmas/birthday”. I see the #relationshipgoals, the pictures of other couples on Instagram and Facebook, Buzzfeed posts and of course the pins on Pinterest. I’ve “called Huck out” before on the things I want or should get or what he should be doing many times, and I put that in quotes because I’m not really calling him out on anything because he gives me more than I’ll probably ever realize. Everything I listed in the third paragraph is more than I deserve. He’s stuck with me through it all, not because he has to but because he wants to. I’m not saying he wants to hear me complain or cry over petty things or put my education in front of his free time (like when I really need that good grade on my marketing test and he would rather do anything besides help me study), or text me (guys hate to text), or spend their last $3 dollars in cash on my club bake-sale after walking me to said bake-sale. What I’m saying is he loves me more than anyone (besides my family, because their love is the strongest).

A man who can put your wants, needs, and dreams in front of their own, or care about them as much as theirs, is someone who is doing more than any movie, dinner, gift, or ice cream could ever do.  A man who has his own responsibilities, life, schoolwork, plans, dreams, friends and wants that puts most of those second because he constantly wants to make sure you are happy is someone to hold on to and to never be unappreciated. I’m writing this and acknowledging my “wrong doing” and trust me, I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad or like they owe their significant other anything, because let’s be honest, I’m still going to slip and say or think I want more.

I just want to thank you, Huck. Even though I ask for more, hint at what other relationships are doing, or think you aren’t doing enough, you are. Don’t take me seriously when I slip up and ask for more. We will never be even; relationships aren’t about being even. They are about being appreciative and loving one another no matter what. I couldn’t be more thankful for someone who not only supports me but also encourages me and make me feel like I’m his world. You’ve helped shape me in the last few years and taught me a lot (even if some of it will never pertain to me ;)).

I could write forever, but I won’t. This isn’t all about me, or my relationship with Huck, it’s about being grateful for what you have and who you have. Take a moment to think of what you have and who you have and what they do for you, parents, family, friends, significant others, strangers, teachers and more. I’m sure after you think about it, you won’t ask for more, at least for a little while.

“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Growing Up

This post is both easy and hard to write. It’s easy because it all comes so natural to me and is so real. But let me tell you, it’s also very hard because as I write I realize that even though some days I still feel like a little girl or I’m not sure when homemade salsa goes bad or if possibly living alone my senior year is a great idea or just a terrible thought out plan, that I am in fact growing up. My parents tell me all the time that I’m still learning, I’m growing up, I CAN figure things out on my own and most importantly things will work out.

I know how old I am, I’m 20. I haven’t been a teenager for roughly 4 months. I am the youngest of my friends. Everyone perceives 13, 18, 21, 30, and 40 the big birthdays. You’re finally a teenager, you can buy a lottery ticket, you can buy and drink alcohol legally, you’re really a grownup now, and finally you’re “middle aged” (a scary term apparently). My boyfriend turned 21 two weeks before I turned 20, a month later one of my best friends turned 21. On October 11^th, one of my friends I’ve known since I was 5 will turn 21 and after that a friend of mine that’s been my friend since we were in the nursery will turn 21 in December, a few days after Christmas. The First one to turn this crazy age didn’t seem to astonish me as much but now that there are so many happening so quickly, it’s kind of weirding me out to be honest. We are all actually growing up really fast. A friendship of 21 years, who else can say that? I’m proud I can.

This post isn’t just about age; it’s about how quickly time goes by. I have to have an internship before I graduate and I really wasn’t too worried about it until just the other day when I realized I only have one more summer before I graduate, now I’m on a time crunch. My mom was asking me about jobs and internships when I went home to visit. She mentioned going to a different state to intern with some different company and a different scenery, it sounded like a great idea until I realized this upcoming summer is the last summer I KNOW all of my friends will be in Richmond. After May, of 2017 that could all change. One my best friends already has a job offer when she graduates, that is just crazy to me. I forget I’m a junior sometimes, I guess I just think of myself as a college student with more work than the previous years. I am over halfway through my college experience and then I will begin the real world.

Life goes fast my friends. It’s exciting and scary and thrilling all at the same time. Birthdays may not be a huge deal, but they represent age and sometimes they represent how long you’ve known someone. Take a moment to think about that. Life is precious, fast, exciting, scary, and stressful and any other adjective you can think of. Enjoy it.

“I said, Days should speak, and multitude of year should teach wisdom.” Job 32:7